The Man Who Couldn’t Make A Friend

There is an urban legend that has recently attracted the ears of the people that live in New York City. It travels word of mouth, all the bloggers are blogging about it, it even has its own Facebook page. It is for sure, the hottest trend on Twitter right now.  Of course, I’m talking about “the man who couldn’t make a friend”.

Legend has it, a small, chubby, bald man who wears sweatpants and doesn’t shave proportionally is lurking around Washington Square Park starting random conversations with people. People have been reporting in left and right with there experiences with this quirky man. He apparently uses his observations and inferences to make a connection with the individual, he then continues to have an intelligent, meaningful conversation with ease. He’s also notorious for “the interruption”. This has become a common term around NYC because it is used to describe the man’s ability to intrude on a conversation with a creative, opinionated and relevant thought . This is his go to for squealing his way into a discussion.  Sources say he loves to takes over the conversation with his excellent verbal abilities and turns small talk into a powerful life lesson that anyone can gain from. This guy is a walking phenomenon.

This man single handedly turned Greenwich Village into a tourist trap. There are people walking around Washington Square Park searching for the innovative beast that sparked a cult following. Dedicated followers of the “talking to strangers movement” are displaying there allegiance by walking around in fake beards and Fruit of Loom sweatpants. It has gotten to the point where people are trying to lure him out with exotic clothing and weird hairstyles so he can observe and question them.

The amazing part is that no one got his contact information upon departion after his display of intrigue and intelligence. According to all people that has ever had an interaction with this guy, he always offered to swap phone numbers so they can get together some other time. They all said no, even though every person later admitted to learning something valuable from him along with enjoying his presence in general. Here are the reasons some of them gave for not swapping numbers:

“I don’t just give out my numbers to strangers”

“He had a very raunchy fragrance that made me want to throw up”

“His beard was very pubey and unpleasant to look at”

“His over confidence scared me off and the Danny Devito look didn’t help”

“I couldn’t be able to keep up with that type of personality”

” By the stains on his sweatpants, he seemed a bit greasy”

” His breath smelt like fish dick and made me wanna bathe in mouth wash”

“His t-shirt didn’t fit him properly so his gut was more prominent and showed more skin then was necessary”

Despite those reasonable conjectures, one would think that you would want to derive the most knowledge possible from a genius like this. On the other hand impressions are everything. Being seen in public with someone as repulsive as this man is social suicide.

It has been 2 weeks since the “man who couldn’t make a friend” showed his face around Greenwich Village. There has been some possible sightings of his activity in Maine . Numerous sources say a fat bald man was talking to a hot dog vender at the Rockland County Fair and was going on a rant about why ketchup is better then mustard. They say he was speaking pretty intelligently.

I personally think that “the man who couldn’t make a friend” is gone for good. He’s been through way too much trail and error. He knows he won’t be able to break through anyone’s tough exterior the way he is, he will never truly have a real friend.





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