Talk Shit, Get Hit. The 0 Upsides To Talking Shit Behind Someones Back.

Besides making you sound like an episode of Gossip Girl, what does talking shit accomplish? Myself being a former shit talker I can tell you that the answer is nothing. Absolutely nothing. If filling the void in your relationship means trashing someone else, then I would find new friends. There’s clearly not much to talk about if your talking about how Ron is so fucking stupid. Seriously, get a life. Talking Shit only achieves these 3 things.

1. Burns Bridges

When I was a stoner, I had one true friend. He was honest, real and loyal. Everything you could ask for in a best friend. Unfortunately, he was a delinquent stoner like me. He was sent to a different school because of his rebellious behavior. People in school would come up to me and ask “What happened to Mike”. Me being excited for someone actually coming up and talking to me, I would tell them the whole story of how he was caught stoned in school. They’d laugh and say “what an idiot” and then I’d continue and tell them how he was really fucked in the head. They’d laugh and then go about their day. The next time I saw Mike he came up to me and said “I heard what you said to Joe”. He knew everything I said about him and went on a rant about how I’m a really shitty friend. I had no argument. I was caught red handed. I didn’t talk to him for about a year after that.

2. Make Yourself Hated 

I had these two friends John and Drew. They were best friends. John would talk a lot of shit about Drew out of pure jealousy. Drew was captain of the football team went, to all the parties, and got all the girls. John didn’t like this.  He felt left out because they didn’t hang out much anymore. When football season ended and the parties stopped they hung out again like old times. They would have deep drunken talks, get stoned together the whole nine yards. But John didn’t stop talking shit. He would consistently complain about Drew’s Marijuana abuse, treachery  and ugly girlfriend. He sounded like a broken record. We would always ask “Why are you still friends with him then”. He would always respond with “Well, we have been friends for a long time”. There was no logic in John’s actions. Then, at Drew’s house for a super bowl party, John decided to get his payback. He stole Drew’s Beats Pill and his girlfriends phone . Then he tried to bang his girlfriend. He failed but got away with the speaker and the phone. The next day it was discovered that the Beats Pill was gone and so was the phone. Being the scummy fuck that John is he tried to pin the heist on Me and Mike. When that backfired. He was the only suspect left. He was shunned among our friend group. Later the whole grade found out about the whole story and found it appalling. Now he’s spending his senior year friendless and hated. His only excuse is “He was being a dick to me”.

3. Make Yourself Look REALLY Stupid

I have another friend named Larry. Larry has very little reason for not liking this kid Peter. He just doesn’t like him there is no reason why, he just doesn’t. He talks shit of peter whenever his name is brought up. Just 2 days ago, Larry sees peter at a party. Larry has been drinking a little and decides to approach him. Larry walks over to him and says “YOU’RE A FUCKING PUSSY, YOU KNOW THAT”. Peter gets all scared and asks him “what did I ever do to you”. Larry responds with ” YOU JUST PISS ME OFF”. Peter scoffs and says “okayyyyyy…”. Then Larry continued to go on a drunken spout about nothing while Peter just stood there silently. All Larry did was make himself look really stupid. Everyone looked at him like he was mental patient. One kid even came up to me and said “Why did Larry do that? He just started something over nothing.” I said “I couldn’t tell you either”.

Talk shit, get hit. You could lose a friend, you could lose your reputation, or you could look absolutely senile. Do yourself a favor, talk about something else.

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