I have been put under so many labels, that I don’t even know what I am anymore. I guess I’m just me. Lets see how long that will last . It is only a matter of time until something monumental happens and totally alters my life for better or worse. Whatever it is, I couldn’t be more excited for it. So far, every great change in my life has worked out in the long run. This can date back to my parents divorce.
Ahhhh, I remember the “good days” of Elementary School. Life was so simple. School till three, baseball game at 6, soccer on the weekends, and video games when I was bored. I couldn’t be more oblivious of the marital problems that plagued my household. Around 5th grade, my dad couldn’t take the delusions of my mother anymore. He packed his bags and moved the hell out. My siblings and I were crushed and confused. We had no idea what our eyes have just displayed. It felt like the end of the world. This was at first a tragedy and an inconvenience. As time wore on, wounds started to heal and things started to get good again. Now, It is ridiculous how thankful I am that my parents got divorced. I realize that if their relationship carried on like it was, someone would of probably been murdered. There is so much built up resentment between these two divorcees that they don’t even speak to each other. When they do, it always ends up in a scream off. Anyway, the point is everything is a tragedy at first, but when things settle in and lessons are derived, that tragedy becomes your personality. The divorce shook up my life for awhile but the lessons I learned from it are priceless. I won’t get married till I’m 30, I won’t marry unless I’m absolutely 100 % sure, I won’t have kids until I’m 5 years married. These are my guidelines for marriage. Thanks Mom and Dad!!!
Another example of great change effecting my life for the better, is the first time I got arrested. Two amazing things came out of my arrest, probation and restitution. Probation made me too give up my true love, Marijuana. If I didn’t, I would have been sent away to a 6 month impatient rehab. That probably would of been another great lesson for me at the time but it might have been a bit excessive. So, I decided to “quit”. I put it in parenthesis because a drug addicts perception of quitting is just inconsistent use. I had scheduled drug tests once a month, so I knew when I was peeing in that cup. The second I would get home form the Dept of Prob., I would run right to my stash and smoke profusely for a week then go clean for the next three. I was a fiend. Eventually, this plan backfired when my probation officer showed up at my school and demanded a test in the middle of my week long binge. He was took pity on me and just made me go to weekly drug counseling with bi weekly drug tests. This was a stoners nightmare. This forced me to truly give up the plant. Thank god. My time on probation was like my reincarnation process. Weed was what was holding me down for 2 years. With it out of my life, I can thrive. I can pursue my passions. I can make friends who weren’t either drugged out or awaiting trial. The green shield over my brain was lifted, and probation was the pulley that helped it up . Talk about a blessing in disguise.
Every event, conversation and experience I have. I can derive benefit from, It may be instantaneous or it could take 5 years. I hate to quote Pink because her music pisses me of but “what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger”. A month ago, I got a ticket for not putting on my turning signal. Even though I thought it was bull shit, I came home and laughed about it. I’ll never forget my turn signal ever again. A week later, I hit some car in the rear. I got out of my car took the blame and accepted the consequences. My car looks fucked and my insurance rates raised a little but I’ll never be up anyone’s ass again. Dwelling is necessary and at the same time pointless. Through abundant practice, I know longer sulk or get sad anymore. I just live and learn. However, nothing bad has really happened to me before.